Flying Boobies and SOCAL sun

My wife and I just returned from our 10 year anniversary trip to San Clemente, CA. We visited some Marine Corps friends of ours that we met while in Fort Benning, GA. We had an absolute blast! While we were there, Trish and I went skydiving! Hence the flying boobies!This was her first time jumping from an aircraft, and she did fantastic! She will now be the hero bad ass mommy of all the mommies in mommy group! I love my wifey!


Our friend Christie that we visited is always Mrs. Squared away. Never forgets a thing, never misses a single detail. Ever. Until now. She is pregnant, and like most expectant mommies, her baby is sucking her brain out through the umbilical cord. She drove us the airport this morning in San Diego. 7 years of police work, 6 years in the Army with two combat tours to Iraq did not prepare me for riding with a knocked up chick at 0530 in San Diego!!! She got lost, twice, drove the wrong way down a one way street, did five U-turns in the middle of major intersections, ran a couple of red lights, about killed a dude working in a man hole, and made me have to take a dump immediately upon entering the airport. Which did not work out so well since we were now running late and the security line was stretched all the way out to Mexico! Danged red heads! But poetic justice struck, she got lost 4 times on the way home!!! I love Christie like my own sister. She has always been super nice to me and my fam. I would give her the shirt off of my back, but riding in a car with her just plain scares the shit out of me!


So, on the plane ride home there is this little girl, who seemed to be about two. Screamed. The whole four hours. Mom, she just sat there. Really. Did absolutely nothing. I have never wanted to punch a kid before until today. I thought about throwing the kid out of the plane along with the mom and the other four kids she had! And then there was the lesbian couple that sat in front of Trish and I. Wonderful. It might would have been ok if they looked like the ones on TV, but not so much. One kind of looked like an even worse version of Cher and the other looked like she could have been some one's brother. I have never seen a worse figure on a girl, she even had plumber's crack! Of course she seems to think that girls really can wear a man's pants. Yes, she can, but they made her butt look like a band of gypsies moved out! Not so flattering on men, and even worse on a girl. I had nightmares last night because of this image. I thought that the point of being a lez-bean was that you liked girls. So why would you pick out a partner that looked like a man? I don't pretend to be smart enough to figure this stuff out, I'm kind of like Robot on Lost In Space, "It does not compute Will Robinson, does not compute!"

So we landed at ATL airport, on the Pilot's second attempt at landing. Yeah, he jacked up the first one. He must have been a Marine Pilot. I'm sorry, I mean a Naval Aviator. Trish and I are walking through the airport all happy and shit, I mean we are California happy, smiling, laughing, just having fun. People are looking at us like "What rawng wit dem? Dey dun loss dey fool ass mine!" or "OMGYG! Happy people! EWW!" most people just looked like someone had just killed their dog. Welcome home, bitches. We made it to the baggage claim and then to our car in record time. Then, we hit ATL traffic. Someone just killed my dog. If God sends me to hell, I'm pretty sure it will just be to ATL everyday during rush hour. The only thing worse would be ATL rush hour while riding with Christie!!

RLTW