STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU HAVE NOT READ TO PREVIOUS BLOG POST, READ IT FIRST OR THIS ONE WILL NOT MAKE AS MUCH SENSE!!!!!!
Well, when I posted my last blog today, I apparently spoke too soon. If you remember the cob statement, well....I now have a corn cob in my ass! At least it's not sideways, yet.
So, after Trish got home and we unloaded all of the groceries that she brought home, it was time for dinner. After everyone had eaten and we are trying to have family conversation, it somehow seems to my children that it is time to climb all over Daddy and tell him of all his immediate faults. Such as "Daddy, your breath smells like old root beer!" It must have been the results of my two medicinal beers. Of course she does not leave the area in which I am breathing, but remains there. Only to tell me how bad my breath smells. Oh, by the way, she is only wearing panties, and the chicken soup and ham and cheese sandwich that she had for supper. Meanwhile, Mel is playing with his big truck toy. He is making his truck jump the Grand Canyon or something and needed to emphasise the landing by stomping on my big toe. Yes, of course, on my left foot. Now, I need a third medicinal beer. About two minutes later, Fletch is playing with this damn Dora The Explorer "sing along, learn to read and count" maraca while sitting back at her place at the table. In typical Fletcher fashion, she drops it. Right onto my big toe. At least this time, it's on my right foot. To hell with some beer, I'm moving on to scotch! Believe it or not, this maraca hurt twice as bad as Mely's stomp on the toe. I felt like a broken bitch. Mommies feel the pain of birth, Daddies feel the pain eternal.
And the hits just keep on comin'. So, I thought I would be the hero Dad and help Trish out by taking a bath with Mel. I make a big gigantic bubble bath for us to play in. All is well and Trish comes to check on her boys. Trish and I are talking about how great our kids are while Mel is playing in the bubbles with is HMMWV (HUM-V for you civilian types). Yes, I know, this is a STUPID maneuver seeing as how the rest of my day has been. Mel starts getting all Dukes Of Hazard with the toy HMMWV and just about smashes my "boys" with it. I look straight at Trish and say "Great. All I need at the end of a day like to day is a hummer to the balls!" Yeah, she laughed. Oh, it gets better. After the bath is over and I step out of the hot water, Trish looks at my junk and says "Man! They didn't hang like that when we first got married, that's cool!" Then she proceeds to bend over, making fists with both hands, and begins to mock the Rocky Balboa speed bag drill on my nuts. Badugada, badugada, badugada.........She actually said "Badugada, badugada, badugada" while she did it. I have no pride left. I'm just gonna have two scotches and go to bed.
RLTW, or do they?
2 comments:
Oh, Lord....this may have been WAAAAYYYYY too much information!
Well, you have now learned why the idea of family baths is not such a good one - you need to ask OUR father about why our family stopped doing such things!
Hope your knee is okay - the Army has already fixed two shoulders, don't need to contribute anymore joints to Uncle Sam!
Oh Lord, you guys. I wish I could just move in and silently sit in the corner and watch the "The Phillips Family" show. (Not the bathtub scenes, though!)
Post a Comment