Hard Landings and Milkyways

Sometimes things go smooth as silk, other times they are rough as a cob. Sometimes it feel like the cob is being inserted into your rectum. My day today was not that bad, but it did get a little shitty at the end. I woke up this morning just fine and went in to do my Sustained Airborne Training prior to today's jump. All goes well. We're all out to the Drop Zone and all is going well, but we are down to one helicopter instead of two, no big deal it will just take longer. Then the winds pick. Not bad, until one jackass somehow manages to get himself into the trees. With a steerable parachute. How the hell do you do that? Dude STEERED into the trees, on the back side of the drop zone, completely away from the drop zone. Thank goodness he was not hurt, he just had to play monkey and climb down 40 feet from the top of the tree. Then the next guy to win the even bigger jackass award lands on the roof of a barn in the middle of the DZ. C'mon! There is plenty of room on that DZ! He went through a tree and did an ass landing on the roof. I guess he is practicing for his Delta Force "roof down" assault. Dumb ass. He held up the whole jump operation for 20 minutes while people untangled his ass and chute from trees and barn. At least jackass #1 was kind enough to be off the DZ so we could continue! Then I jump, great exit, nice decent, then I lose air as I prepare to land, and hit like a sack of shit! Ouch! So now I have a left knee that is a bit sore, but I'm OK. Nothing a beer and some ibuprofen can't fix.

So, after my hard day at the office, I come home to an empty house minus the happy dog. She comes and jumps up and down to get my attention, so I pick her up and love on her a minute prior to taking her outside to do her bid-ness. She does and we come back inside. As I am preparing my medicinal beer, I see on the floor, near where she was jumping up and down, a smushed milkyway that my son must have gotten a hold off and just mashed it up. He does that sometimes. So, I pick it up, and all of a sudden the milkyway develops a distinct dog shit odor! FUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!! I JUST PICKED UP A DOG TURD!!!!! BAREHANDED! So after I clean up the "milkyway" I discover three "raisenettes" in the vicinity of where the "milkyway" was. Damn. Man, this just ain't my day. I'm having two beers. And I'm not eating anymore milkyways or raisenettes, ever.